Parents - What Are They Good For: . . . Ode to Teachers
Subject: The Teacher.....
I have just one question after reading this....."Where do parents fit
into this picture, these days?" All of this is so true that it's
positively scary! ~Phyllis
After being interviewed by the school administration, the eager teaching
prospect said: "Let me see if I've got this right. You want me to go
into that room with all those kids, and fill their every waking moment
with a love for learning.
And I'm supposed to instill a sense of pride in their ethnicity, modify
their disruptive behavior, observe them for signs of abuse and even
censor their T-shirt messages and dress habits.
You want me to wage a war on drugs and sexually transmitted diseases,
check their backpacks for weapons of mass destruction, and raise their
self esteem.
You want me to teach them patriotism, good citizenship, sportsmanship,
fair play, how to register to vote, how to balance a checkbook, and how
to apply for a job. I am to check their heads for lice, maintain a
safe environment, recognize signs of antisocial behavior, offer advice,
write letters of recommendation for student employment and scholarships,
encourage respect for the cultural diversity of others, and oh, make
sure that I give the girls in my class fifty percent of my attention.
My contract requires me to work on my own time after school, evenings
and weekends grading papers. Also, I must spend my summer vacation at
my own expense working toward advance certification and a Masters
degree.
And on my own time you want me to attend committee and faculty meetings,
PTA meetings, and participate in staff development training.
I am to be a paragon of virtue, larger than life, such that my very
presence will awe my students into being obedient and respectful of
authority.
And I am to pledge allegiance to family values and this current
administration.
You want me to incorporate technology into the learning experience,
monitor web sites, and relate personally with each student. That
includes deciding who might be potentially dangerous and/or liable to
commit a crime in school.
I am to make sure all students pass the mandatory state exams, even
those who don't come to school regularly or complete any of their
assignments.
Plus, I am to make sure that all of the students with handicaps get an
equal education regardless of the extent of their mental or physical
handicap.
And I am to communicate regularly with the parents by letter, telephone,
newsletter and report card.
All of this I am to do with just a piece of chalk, a computer, a few
books, a bulletin board, a big smile AND on a starting salary that
qualifies my family for food stamps! You want me to do all of this
and yet you expect me.
>>
>>
>> . . . . NOT TO PRAY?
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posted by Sally at 11:40 PM
Man Hands
Email from Bonnie: Funny!
My long-passed grandfather's birthday is coming up, and for
me it is a time to reminisce.
The long walks we used to take. The long drives. The special
trips he would make to pick me up so I could spend weekends
with him, and the advice he used to give! Much was wasted
because I was young when he died. If he were alive today and
sharing his gems of wisdom, I'd be a better man. Those gems
were well and good.
But the one I remember most, the jewel in the crown of grand-
fatherly advice, came when he paused, looked me in the eye
and said, "Son ... don't marry a woman with big hands. It
makes your pecker look smaller."
Makes ya almost cry, don't it?
Reply:
I didn't realize this until my daughter said something about this email and that Seinfeld show where that blonde gal intimidates Jerry because she has man hands - Makes you wonder about 'ole Jerry Seinfeld's pecker, eh?
Other than that how is every little thing? I once sent a greeting card - to an old married boyfriend - meaning he was and still is married - lives in Grand Junction - I think - don't know! Got sidetracked - anyway - (HE WAS PRETTY -body, mind and soul) - the card had a cartoon of a little boy and little girl on the front - the little girl was looking down the little boys pants - and on the inside it said, "HOW IS EVERY LITTLE THING?" (Sent it to his work - shortly after I got married - he called - I told him I got married - haven't heard from him since!) The nerve of a married man not wanting to continue an affair with a married woman.
posted by Sally at 11:00 PM
Office 98 for Macintosh and eBay
Hi - How are you?
I have a big favor to ask of you. You know that computer - I offered for sale to you? Well, well, well - I gave it to some -uncomputerized- neighbor kids. It was fine all summer when all they wanted to do was play games -Now- that the school year is here - They need a word processing program. What I had done is: Put a clean install of Mac OS 8.5 - and also installed a copy of the Office 98 - that I sold to you - NOT - thinking about needing the 10-digit CD Key - well because - at the time - I had the cd key!
If you can find it in your heart - and let these kids - occassionally do some homework - Truly - believe me - and I say this with kindness in my heart - They need to do a lot of homework!!!!!!!!!
Please send me the 10-digit cd key for them. (I won't tell Bill Gates - if you won't - Besides, I hear tell he donates to education - SO - we will help him . . . )
How are things going with the paper and every other little thing in your life?=;0)-Trixie
posted by Sally at 10:56 PM
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy- Study Results
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Subject: Cambridge study
Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht
oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny
iprmoetnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be at the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a total mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed
ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
* * *
posted by Sally at 11:59 PM
Sally - Dick and Jane Primers
Dear Sally,
My grandmother named me - She was here in Utah visiiting from Illinois when I was born - When she heard the kids trick-or-treating - My name became Trixie - God rest her soul! My mother had six girls and all she wanted to do was name one 'Debbie' - Never got the chance - Someone else always seem to get the last say!
I grew up reading the old "Sally - Dick and Jane primers -SO- I have always liked the name! Never did like Halloween as a kid - Always had to share my birthday with all the kids in the neighborhood - Birthday cake was always Pumpkin Pie! (Good thing I like Pumpkin Pie - OR- that would be another thing I would need to see a shrink for,eh?)
Got that Precious Moment mailed off today - You should get it in a couple! (FYI: My husbands name is Biff - How's that? Biff and Trixie McGuire.)=;0)=Trixie
posted by Sally at 7:37 PM
